I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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