Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
