Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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