My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just had sex bonerless
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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