You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
