I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
