I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
