I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
