Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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