it's like iHOP with fire
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
