can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
