would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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