you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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