apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
