last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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