i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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