Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
