Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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