I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
