i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
