I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
