Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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