I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize