One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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