Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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