I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
