I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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