A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
