im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
