how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
