I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the condom got lost in my hair
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize