After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
