I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
