Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
