Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you didnt know i had herpes?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
