Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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