I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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