she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize