the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
