everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize