Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
