guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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