I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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