lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
