She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
