You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
