Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize