also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
