ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
