Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
