Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
