I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
