Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
