my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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