so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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