I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i love accidental penises.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
