She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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