In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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