What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
