There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The air was thick with penises
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
