i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
