You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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