His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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