I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
