Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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