Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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