Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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