i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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