I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize