sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
