well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
