I like to think it a success when the cops are called
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
