TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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