omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
