I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
