I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
