I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
