Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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