We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
