someone threw a dead crab at me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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