My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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